THE ANATOMY OF A GOSSIP

The Philippines should not only be crowned as the “Texting Capital of the World”. It should as well get the recognition of being the “Gossip Capital of the World”.

I define gossip as the act of re-telling an issue or story about a certain individual or event in a manner that will create an appeal to other people who may hear it. A gossip is composed of a subject, an issue and sometimes an exaggerated form of re-telling.

In the Philippines, gossip is famously known as “CHISMIS”. Chismis is more viral than the most viewed video on YouTube. Filipinos will sit for two full hours without toilet break just to hear the latest entertainment gossips on television. It’s maybe one of the reasons why Urinary Track Infections have been one of the most eminent medical findings nowadays. =)

If I will tell you a story about my neighbor, Mang Ipe being bitten by a gigantic reticulated python, will you be interested? Of course you will. However, what if I tell you a story about Mang Ipe biting a gigantic reticulated python to death? Will that interest you more? Of course it definitely will. Now, that is what I call captivating human-interest. That is the very same idea behind the success of gossip or chismis. The more exaggerated the story is, the more it becomes appealing to the listeners or in layman’s term we call them,  “chismosa” and “chismoso”.  (Smiley)

I believe that gossip started way back in the biblical times because one of the Ten Commandments is pertaining to such: “Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20).

So if I am not mistaken, gossip has flourished and has taken different forms throughout the years. Today, gossip or chismis may be in the form of writing, media, etc. One of the proofs that gossip has flourished and evolved is the fact that Lolit Solis and Cristy Fermin have made a living out of this. Imagine?

In my opinion, I think gossip already became a habit to most Filipinos. I believe that the following contribute to the triumph of chismis industry in the country:

1. Slow-paced lifestyle- most Filipinos prefer a laid back lifestyle. Mostly in the provinces, they usually do not have office works. After lunch, women or men would gather around a table under a tree then would start talking about their life experiences. Now, since that is on a daily routine, a time will come that they would run out of stories. That’s the perfect time to inject an appetizer. Admit it or not, it is more enticing to talk about other people’s lives than talking about your self over and over again. (Big Grin)

2. Persistent public demand- like drugs and cigarette, gossip is somewhat addicting. In a Philippine community or barangay, there’s someone who we call “dakilang chismosa”. This is somewhat comparable to the town crier or the bellman back to the 18^th century. However there’s a big difference. A bellman makes pronouncements about certain messages ought to know by the public while a “chismosa” would publicize a rumor without the consent of the concerned individuals or party. A “dakilang chismosa” or “chismoso” is considered to be the archive of the latest hearsays. They do not run out of issues to discuss because if they do, they will I think, hmmm lose their credibility as a resource person. (LOL)

3. Unemployment- who are the best-known chismosas? Yes correct, those who do nothing. So if I am not mistaken, the projection will be, the higher the incidence of unemployment, the higher the number of “chismosas” in the country. In the depressed areas of the cities, gossip has already become somewhat a part of their curriculum (hehe!). Out of the desire to overcome boredom, most of these people from the depressed areas, spend almost all day talking about other people. And before they know it, dinner is ready!
4. Office Boredom- In a typical office scenario, when we remove gossip from the circulation, the whole place will become somewhat a barren land. So these office chismosas see to it that gossips are always in the air-- like dust. Gossip is likewise comparable the chain messages in our cellphones from some mentally challenged individuals saying, "if you will not pass this message you will receive bad luck for 182 days and 52 seconds!" :D So what happens next? You got it, in a single gasp for breath  , pooooof! everyone is informed! Okay, rephrase, everyone is wrongly informed. (guilty?) Don't worry it's normal. ;)
5. Creativity of Filipinos- Filipinos are mostly creative in almost all aspects of life. Well, that would have to include the art of gossip. Gossipers are silent killers. Yes believe it or not. Many have died because of gossips. So if I become a president, I will formulate a law to persecute these gossipers. If you will analyze it, they are actually to be held liable for some deaths out of just some off beam rumors. 

Take this sample scenario for instance:

(One busy Saturday morning in a local public market)

Aling Marta: Hoy Mareng Tekla nakita ko kanina yung dati nating kapitbahay na si Doray ah sa may botika. Yung botika dun sa may katabi ng motel. Yung pinagtatrabahuan ni Pareng Damian na motel tanda mo? Babatiin ko nga sana kaso nagmamadali umalis si Doray may pupuntahan ata.

Aling Tekla: Ah talaga? Pambihira ano.                  

(Now this is the original story. You can see that there’s nothing wrong with this picture. Ok let’s see how creative we people are.) =)

Aling Tekla: Mare nakita daw kanina ni Mareng Marta yung dating kapitbahay natin. Si Doray naalala mo?

Aling Nena: Ah oo bakit? Kumusta na ba siya?

Aling Tekla: Ayun nga nakita daw ni Mareng Marta sa may motel. Nung babatiin nga daw niya eh bigla nagmadli umalis.

Aling Nena: Santisima! Sino daw ang kasama??

Aling Tekla: Ang kwento ni Mareng Marta, si Pareng Damian daw yung dating natatrabaho sa botika?

Aling Nena: Aba oo kilala ko yun! Patawarin! Di ba may apat na anak na si Doray at may dalawa naman si Damian??

Aling Tekla: Sinabi mo pa!

BINGGO! 

This is just an example but you see how erroneous rumors may cause? People love to exaggerate things because it adds to the flavor of their story, however, the result of such may be detrimental.

I, myself once became a victim. I was in college back then when a gossip about me already having a child started circling our neighborhood in the province. The proponent of the said rumor was none other than my elementary classmate who happened to see me with my niece at a local grocery. I just laughed at it because it’s too lame. But, I couldn’t deny that I was pissed off.

If I became a victim, I likewise became part of a gossip that caused hell of a trouble. Back when I was in grade school, on my way to school, I met a classmate. He was on his way home.

He said. “Wala daw si Ma’am may sakit ang anak niya, wala tayo pasok ngayon.”

I exclaimed, “Talaga?! Sige uwi narin ako sabihan ko na lang ‘yung iba.”

And so every classmate whom I met on my home got the information WORD FOR WORD.

To cut the story short, NO ONE attended the class.

The next morning, our teacher was there outraged holding a stick made of rattan.

“Who told you na wala tayo klase kahapon?? Na-late lang ako ng kaunti pagdating ko wala kayo lahat!” She asked furiously.

No one answered.

She repeated the question.

After a long silence, a squashy voice was heard.

“Ma’am sabi po kasi sa amin wala daw po kayo kasi may sakit ang anak niyo.”

*&^%$#%^&&*#*#))$%_+$++$(+$(+(%*%^$^%toooootttt!

After that, we were given the longest examination ever. Three hundred items of addition and subtraction!

Only to know that Ms. Ducay was an old maid.