I FOUND GOD NOT IN THE CHURCH BUT IN SILENCE

I was in an unfathomable depression a year ago. It seemed that all miseries fell from the heavens right onto my head. I was financially unstable. My career was hanging by a thread and my mind was preoccupied by too many unfinished businesses. The road to happiness was unpaved.

On Sundays, I would hear the mass hoping to find the answers to my problems. But in the church I did not find peace. The place was typically crowded. All I could hear were the crying of the babies, the sound of the fan, the feedback of the microphone, the needless whispers of the people around, the beeping cell phones and the remitting bell sound of the Popsicle vendor. In simple words, the very essence of the mass was not achieved.

I went home still with a burdensome heart. It was past six in the evening when I went home that particular Sunday. I lied down in my bed and stared at the darkness surrounding me. Out of the darkness I saw something glowing in my peripheral vision. I saw a small crucifix. It was the first time I realized that it was glow in the dark. It stayed in that wall for I think four years already. It was like sending me a message: God is always present whenever we need Him most especially in our darkest hours. I kneeled down and prayed hard. After praying, it was as if something changed. He did not give solutions to my problems; rather He gave me a stronger heart to face all my troubles. As I was saying repeatedly in my previous blogs, God will not give us the best; rather He will give us what is fair.

A church will teach us to pray. In our silence we will know how to talk to God. A church will teach who is God. In our silence, we will know who God really is. A church is there to guide us. A prayer is there to ensure that we will get There.

When I say “in silence” it means prayer. For me a prayer should be silent. For it is silence that we will hear clearer; for it is silence that we will be heard well. We don’t have to speak because God can hear our hearts and can read our minds.

When I started a small business, I purchased a fridge from a local appliance store. The owner was a nice old lady. She told me, “When you do something, offer it to God. Always include God in everything that you do.” So I did.

Whenever I wake up every morning I pray to Him to give me more customers and at night before I sleep, I thank Him for all the blessings.

One thing I have learned about prayer is that it is also the best outlet of anger and disappointment. It can ease that furious feeling inside us. Anger is a scrap perfected by the devil. However, prayer is an art perfected by God to beat the devil.

A prayer when memorized is no longer a prayer. It should be a conversation to God. When we converse, we do not recite. So, when we pray, do not read. A prayer should come from the heart and not from a book. That is the true essence of it.

The beauty of life remains a wonder. God has given us the most precious things that this life can ever imagine. Everyday is a blessing because our life itself is a blessing. We should always be forever thankful to God. For it is in thanking Him that we receive more.

When in doubt, pray.

When in misery, pray.

When thankful, pray.

When in joy, pray.

Make prayer a habit because if in times that we cannot find God in the church, then maybe we will in our “sincerest silence”.